18
Jun
14

Day 8, Redux

Day 8.  358.  Down a pound even though I pigged out on sushi last night.

I wish it were as easy to stay on a diet as it is to start one.  I’m down 11 pounds.  Yesterday was an official day, and if I lose weight at the rate I’m currently losing, I’ll be -18 pounds by my birthday next year.  *smirk*

OK, it will eventually settle down to a pound every few days.  And that’s when I will start to feel uninspired and go off the diet.  Again.  And start gaining weight back.  Again.  And get all depressed about it.  Again.

I don’t want to look like a supermodel.  (Well, I do, but I know I won’t.)  Right now I just want to be under 300 pounds, so that I can fit in a single airline seat comfortably.  That’s all I want.  300 pounds.  

I want to be thin more than I want to win the lottery.  More than I want to find a boyfriend and get laid.  More than I want world peace.  Which is depressing as hell, if you think about it, but there it is.  I don’t want to have these knees and these ankles and always wear these comfortable shoes with the arch supports.  I don’t want size 12 underwear and bras with 44 band size and 2X shirts and size 26 skirts.  

I admit that I’m past the point where I will be young and pretty and sexy, but could I at least not be gross any more?

15
Jun
14

Here we go again

*sigh*

365.  Down four pounds since Friday.

07
Apr
14

Back on Track

Tomorrow marks two weeks. Today I’m down 17.6 lb.

I really feel like the medicine is helping. This weekend, besides getting all my chores done, I finished processing the photographs I got from mom. I also worked on a yarn project, and crocheted six preemie hats while watching movies on television. I sat outside for a bit. I folded laundry in the living room. I ate breakfast in the living room. I feel different.

This week I want to move the books out of Lucy’s window. It’s starting to get warmer here. I also want to get the side of my room cleaned up, so that I could put in bookshelves. I’ve also been thinking lately of moving that crap out of the corner of the bathroom and putting the latch up.

I find myself a little nervous about this, because I keep expecting to feel the energy backing off. Maybe with the drugs it will stay.

356

02
Apr
14

Up Again

So much for, “Prepare for a drop.” I’m up again, 1.6 pounds from yesterday, 3.4 from my lowest. I’m also exhausted. I could barely move this morning, and skipped the exercycle in favor of getting the low-carb chili in the refrigerator. I really need to fully pack my lunch in the evening. And I need to ride the bike tonight.

I don’t know if this weight gain is related to the medication or my period, and I guess I won’t find out for a few days. But jeeze, this is depressing. This hasn’t happened any of the other times I started this diet. It needs to change.

359up

01
Apr
14

A Possible Explanation

My weight was up yesterday and today, a total of a two pound gain. I was upset, because I’ve been exercising more.

I started my period today. Prepare for a drop.

01
Apr
14

One Week, -16, 358.2

I’ve lost 16 pounds.

I’m up a bit from my lowest, -18, but I ate a huge amount of vegetables yesterday. I need to keep that in check. I was snacking as I was making my salads for the week, which wouldn’t normally be a problem, except that I had a salad for lunch. Actually lunch was really big generally, probably too big.

But I rode the exercycle for 20 minutes yesterday, AND I walked home from Broadway, so you’d think that would count for something. Not so much, I guess.

It’s not exercise; it’s diet.
It’s not exercise; it’s diet.
It’s not exercise; it’s diet.
Repeat it until you believe it. Exercise makes you stronger, makes you tighter, makes you more flexible. It increases your levels of glucagon. But 20 minutes on an exercycle burns only about 100 calories, even taking your current weight into account. That’s 15 almonds. That’s 1.5 eggs. That’s nothing. It’s what you eat, so stick with the program.

My spreadsheet is giving me really amusing predictions. I will be 350 by Friday, 325 by the 19th, and 300 by 5/3. It will take several weeks before the first flush is balanced by regular weightloss. I might adjust things next week so that the first week isn’t accounted for. Meanwhile I can look forward to being -100 pounds by the end of the year.

I started taking the medication yesterday. I was really anxious about it. I remember being terrified of starting Prozac, too. It doesn’t seem to be having a negative effect. We’ll see if it has a positive one.

358

31
Mar
14

Here’s a first

I’m sitting in Starbucks waiting for 10:30, when I see this new psychiatrist. I’m scared out of my wits. I’ve practiced saying what I want and need to say. I am kicking myself a bit because I wanted to make a list, but I didn’t. A list would have looked OC, though, wouldn’t it?

I sort of feel like I don’t need it, but that’s kind of the point, isn’t it? I don’t see the depressive phases, so I need to ask for help during the normal or manic phase.

My weight was up a bit, which pisses me off. I skipped breakfast yesterday because I thought mom was taking us to the brunch buffet, but we had lunch at the Grill instead. I also rode 20 minutes on the bike. But I didn’t drink enough water. I must fix that today.

Gotta go!

Awake, alive, alert, aware!

:-)




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