I Should Probably Update This

On again, off again.  Maybe it’s time to start posting again.

I started my diet (again) on September 1st.  When I started, I was at 352.  I have been going up and down (and up and down) and now am 346.  In six weeks I’ve lost six pounds.  I’m not thrilled.

But three days ago, on October 14th, I joined the gym at work.  I’ve gone three days.  I’m upping my exercise every day.  I go home sore and tired, so sore and tired that yesterday I chose to go home instead of getting sushi. (Today I took aspirin after my work out to hopefully ameliorate the pain.)  I sleep better, too.

Tomorrow is the weekend, so I’m going to see about trying out the pool at the local Chicago Park District facility.

We’ll see how long this lasts.


October 14th 15 minutes treadmill 15 lbs 3×20 curls, 3×15 verts
October 15th 20 minutes bike 10 lbs 3×20 curls, 3×15 verts
October 16th 25 minutes bike 3×15 front delt machine


I picked up a trainer’s card today. I might get someone to show me the machines and how to use the free weights. I also called the office of the building about getting a locker. For about $360 you can get a locker for a year and they will come take your clothes and clean them, so I could have a towel and washcloth and not have to carry my clothes around every day. Sounds like a win-win.


Finally down

Down two pounds yesterday and .2 today.  That feels better.  Now let’s just keep this going in the same direction.  I have travel this week.  That’s going to be rough.  I’m taking Atkins bars and nuts with me and hoping for the best.

I made the chili this weekend.  Made it and cleaned up the kitchen twice: after assembling it I cleaned all the things I’d used in making it, and then after it was done I cleaned the crockpot.  I’m very proud of myself.  I also did the laundry and put everything away when I was done.  I don’t know why I need to praise myself after doing these common chores, but I do, so I do it.  I was a good girl.



And my period’s started.  I don’t think I could be happier unless I was in the midst of a pregnancy scare.  I’ll surely be down tomorrow.


Up Again. Frustrated.

I’m up 1.6 pounds today.  Gross.  I’d better be premenstrual.  Never have I been so happy to see acne.

I asked Mandy to be my diet buddy, and she agreed.  I have to tell her or text her every day, and she’ll get on my case if I don’t.  I’m really happy I asked, and proud of myself for asking.  It helps, I think, that Mandy herself is thin.  I would feel bad telling Chante I lost weight for multiple days in a row, especially when she’d have a very hard time following a low carb plan herself.

I actually slept well last night, waking up at 5:48 instead of 5:00.  I feel pretty good except for the lack of weight loss.

I’ve been thinking about my showing this blog to Leah, now that I’ve told her about it.  There’s a lot of angst and whinging in this blog, and that embarrasses me.  If I wanted people to see it, I’d make it public.  On the other hand, one certainly should not be afraid of baring one’s emotions to one’s therapist.  And I try so hard to be honest, and this is the honest truth about how I feel sometimes.  It’s nothing to be ashamed of, so long as I’m not dumping on people all the time.  If you’re somewhat reserved, you can be honest about the bad things in your life.


Up Again Today

I was up half a pound today.  I want to say I hate it, but the truth is I feel resigned to it.  Didn’t I know this was coming?  I’d lose weight down to where I plateaued last time and then get stuck.  I might be premenstrual.  I really hope I am so this will be over in a week or so.  But I just can’t help but think I’m going to be fat forever.  What is the point of expensive diet foods and stress when I could be eating Goldfish crackers and chocolate covered pretzels?

I’m probably going to have to get back on the exercycle.  I loathe the idea.

New idea: get up when your alarm goes off and if your weight is the same or higher, get on the bike for ten minutes.  If your weight is down, you can skip it.  That’s probably a bad idea; it feels like I’m punishing myself for gaining when I haven’t done anything wrong.  But it’s all I can come with.


Made it One Week

I went back on my diet one week ago. So far I’ve lost 9.6 pounds.

Leah convinced me to start writing again.  I really need this source of emotional relief.  But now that I’ve written that I have no idea what to write.  But I do notice that when I don’t write regularly, it means I’m getting ready to cheat.  So I’ll write.


Day 8, Redux

Day 8.  358.  Down a pound even though I pigged out on sushi last night.

I wish it were as easy to stay on a diet as it is to start one.  I’m down 11 pounds.  Yesterday was an official day, and if I lose weight at the rate I’m currently losing, I’ll be -18 pounds by my birthday next year.  *smirk*

OK, it will eventually settle down to a pound every few days.  And that’s when I will start to feel uninspired and go off the diet.  Again.  And start gaining weight back.  Again.  And get all depressed about it.  Again.

I don’t want to look like a supermodel.  (Well, I do, but I know I won’t.)  Right now I just want to be under 300 pounds, so that I can fit in a single airline seat comfortably.  That’s all I want.  300 pounds.  

I want to be thin more than I want to win the lottery.  More than I want to find a boyfriend and get laid.  More than I want world peace.  Which is depressing as hell, if you think about it, but there it is.  I don’t want to have these knees and these ankles and always wear these comfortable shoes with the arch supports.  I don’t want size 12 underwear and bras with 44 band size and 2X shirts and size 26 skirts.  

I admit that I’m past the point where I will be young and pretty and sexy, but could I at least not be gross any more?

December 2019
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