Archive for July, 2010



I weigh 350 this morning. I’m telling myself that my weight fluctuates, that I could be up a bit tomorrow. I’m telling myself that I need to wait until I’m safely clear, like 345. Uh-uh. I’m SO stoked I can’t stand it! I wish I could tell someone.

I’ll tell Mom and Susan that I’ve lost 15 pounds, but I won’t tell them what this milestone is. I’m so ashamed of having been here. How sad is it that weighing 350 is an accomplishment?

300 will be a publicly acceptable milestone, I think. Or will I just be telling people I’ve lost 65 pounds? Will I ever admit I weighed 365? Even when I’m 180?


Connections & Celebrations

Several things to update today, so let’s start with Friday, 23 July.

I met a woman at Knit Night who had also done low-carb. She said that my weight loss in the beginning was too much and that I had lost a proper amount of weight for how long I’ve been dieting. Well, good, but drat as well.

One thing that she talked about was eating when you had appetite instead of hunger. That if you wait until you are hungry, it is already too late. You should be eating when you are thinking, “Mmm, I could eat something now.” This is freaky to me, because I really don’t sense that. It’s why I was snacking like mad on peanuts the first few weeks. It just didn’t connect for me that 1) I was hungry, and 2) I should go eat something. I need to work on that.

The oddest part is when I feel like I want to eat something, but my stomach still feels full. I’m not sure what that’s about.

Over Thursday and Friday I was craving carbs immensely. It was very frustrating, since you aren’t supposed to have cravings. I wanted candy from Daz’s desk. I wanted candy at the pharmacy. I wanted candy but I didn’t take any. And then to see on Friday that I’m up 2.3 pounds when it’s been so hard and I’ve been good anyway? Argh!

Saturday, 24 July

On Friday I bought some of those strips you use to find out if you are in ketosis. Well, I am, although not much. I’m exactly the wrong person to be doing this, because I have NO color sense, but it’s between 15 and 40 and closer to 40. I wish it were digital so that I could just write down a number.

Saturday was Max’s birthday party. Originally, they were planning a barbecue and were going to make chicken. I pointed out that I couldn’t eat the barbecue sauce, so they decided to do hamburgers and hotdogs. Then it turned out to be too hot to barbecue, so they ordered pizza.

I made cheese poppers and guacamole (with cucumber slices for dipping for me) and fruit salad. People raved about the guacamole and the poppers. I had that and some tomato-mozzarella salad Laura made. I ate a slice of pizza by pulling the cheese off, but it was so thin there wasn’t much there. I didn’t have cake. I didn’t even want cake. I had 3 M&Ms, from a dish that was full of them. I think I showed remarkable restraint.

We left about 7:30 and even though my stomach still felt full, I felt hungry, so I stopped at Burger King and got a bunless burger. It comes with ketchup. I need to remember not to eat that part. Also, McDonald’s does better bunless burgers, especially in leaf lettuce.

I spent a lot of time talking to Mom, Lauren, and Laura about my diet. Lauren said she could see in my fact that I’d lost weight. Laura is very supportive. Mom had a lot of questions, like why could I eat poppers, after all they were full of cheese. Explaining is hard, but she’s being supportive instead of critical, which is a good thing.

Once I got home, I tested myself with the ketosis strips, and it was much close to 40. I thought I’d been OK.


Last night I dreamed I was eating muffins and cake and bread.

This morning my ketosis is much lower. I guess fruit and ketchup and 3 M&Ms is too much.


My first recipe

Breakfast for me was either Cheerios and raisins or cottage cheese with raisins, sunflower seeds, and bacon bits.  I can’t eat the cereal or the raisins on a low-fat plan, so I’ve been eating quiche.  It’s an egg-and-bacon breakfast that I only have to microwave.

So after four or five quiches following other people’s recipes, I decided to invent my own.  No more lox and bagel, so here is lox and quiche.

Lox and Cream Cheese Quiche

6 eggs
1/2 cup cream
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper (or to taste)
1 tbsp dill

3 oz smoked salmon, diced
4 oz cream cheese, cut/torn into small chunks
1/4 cup green onions, diced

Preheat oven to 350º.

Whip eggs, cream, salt, pepper, and dill until frothy. Arrange smoked salmon, cream cheese, and green onions in a 9″ pie pan. Pour egg mixture over these.

Bake 35-45 minutes or until a knife inserted into the center comes out clean.

This was so good I ate three servings.

Here are the nutritionals.

Calories Protein Fat Carbs Fiber Net Carbs
Whole Quiche 1568 62g 95g 12.18g 0.69g 11.49
1/6 slice 261 10g 16g 2.03g 0.12 1.92
1/4 slice 392 16g 23g 3.05g 0.17g 2.87g

I have to admit, though, that the first time I made it, I ate 3/4 of it. That’s not on my diet!


Another lesson

Well, I gorged on peanuts today.  OK, maybe gorged is the wrong word, but ate far too many.  So many in fact that I didn’t eat lunch.

I think that’s a Really Bad Thing™.  I think when I’m hungry I snack instead of doing what I should be doing and going to eat a meal.  There’s nothing wrong with eating lunch at 10:30 if that’s when I’m hungry.

So tomorrow, NO PEANUTS.  And go and get lunch when I’m hungry.



Weighing myself every day is the only way to keep myself focused on weight loss.  But it also means that I see every up and every down.  Like today, when I’m up almost three pounds and only two-tenths of a pound less than I was on Sunday (and up 5.2 from Monday).

I have a suspicion it’s the peanuts.  I eat a lot of them, far too many really, on the weekdays and almost none on the weekends.  Which might explain why I drop weight so much better on the weekends.  It may also help to take them home and only have a small baggy with me at work.  Keeping them at work means is is too easy to go back and get “just a bit more.”

Why do the only nuts I like–peanuts, cashews, and walnuts–have to be the ones with lots of carbs?  Or is that why I like them?

I think I will take ham and cheese roll-ups for a snack today and put the peanuts away.

I did some calculations, and even with a 20% decrease in my rate of weight loss, I could be 350 by Friday (less likely now with a gain, but we’ll see), 300 by mid-October, and 250 by January.  I need to do some 20% projects, which will be longer, but right now, that is amazing to me.  I want to know what I will be on my birthday next year.

I also want to know what happens when I feel more comfortable exercising.  Right now, with the stupid bike they have here, my thighs slam into my gut.  I need to fix up my bike and start riding, and at 300, maybe even 325, I probably could.

My white underwear feels looser.


Another Loss

Apparently, sitting around doing nothing is good for weight loss.  Today marks three weeks since I started this diet, and once again, Sunday’s weight loss was huge!  5.4 pounds down this morning, and this after a week of ups and downs including being up 4.7 pounds on Tuesday.  I honestly thought I was going to be higher today than last week, which would have been very disappointing.  (I’m down only 9/10 of a pound, but down is down.)

What’s more amazing is that I’m once again flirting with 350.  I so want to be below it.  350 was the magic number.  I always said if I got to 350, I would see a doctor about a surgical solution.  And then, when I got there, I just…didn’t.  I actually got up to 365 at one point, and still didn’t.  I’m too afraid of the life-long effects of the surgery.  I just didn’t want to do that.  Well, maybe I won’t have to.

Once I get below 350, I’ll start aiming for 335, which is where I was when I started TOPS years ago.  And then I’ll shoot for 300.  Somewhere around 300, I start being able to fit in one airline seat.  That will be a huge accomplishment.

Long term, I think my goal is 200, which I might be able to make by 2012.  Maybe when I get to 200 I’ll want to go lower.  In fact I probably will.  But right now, if someone told me I had to live the rest of my life overweight, but I would be 150 pounds lighter than I am now, I would be satisfied.



I hate how my weight goes up and down, up and down.  Today I’m up almost seven pounds since Monday.

I need more sleep.  I need to come home and crochet and stay off the computer and go to bed at a decent hour.  Whether or not I’m up worrying, I think my body interprets lack of sleep as “too worried to sleep” and makes cortisol.  Or who knows.  I just know I need to get some rest.

Right now I just want to be at 345, comfortably away from 350.  Monday I was flirting with 350, but now I’m back up to 360.  *sigh*

July 2010
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