Archive for March, 2013

31
Mar
13

Still on track

Driving to David & Laura’s this afternoon I saw the cotton candy guy.  My immediate thought was to buy some for the boys.  I think that’s what I told myself I would do last time.  Instead I wound up eating all three.  And of course it’s 3 for $5.  Which makes it silly to buy just one.  Ah, the stupid rationalizations.  I never even realized I didn’t have the cash on hand, didn’t realize it until just this minute.  I just made myself drive on.

Because I’m feeling so unintentioned, I went to the grocery store and bought food for the week/two weeks.  Then, when I got home I made tomorrow’s lunch plus cut up onions and peppers for omelettes.  I have salmon and steaks in the fridge for dinner.  There is no excuse for not eating properly tomorrow.

31
Mar
13

Losing my intention

Yesterday was rough and today the same.  

I actually lost both days, 1.6 yesterday and 0.6 today.  I’m down 8.6 pounds total, and well under 360.  

But I’m losing my interest and my enthusiasm.  I’ve stopped caring.  I’m eating low-carb because that’s what’s in the house.  I’m sure if there were a bag of Goldfish handy I’d dive right in.

I didn’t exercise yesterday, and I didn’t drink enough water.  I don’t want to be here, but I don’t know a way out.  Maybe I do need anti-depressants.  

Maybe I’m tired.  My sleep schedule is off.  But whatever it is, I want it over.  

Image

29
Mar
13

Sabotage

OK, crap.  359.6.  Well, I deserved it.  Here’s what I didn’t do yesterday.

  1. I didn’t exercise.
  2. I didn’t make my own breakfast.  I was planning on eating at the breakfast buffet place, but didn’t leave early enough.  
  3. So instead I stopped at Bockwinkel’s and bought a salad and some roast beef.  The salad was low-carb, but it had a lot more carbs than I should be eating so early on.  I should have gone with a pound of roast beef.  
  4. I was running so late I even took a cab in, leaving off a small but measurable amount of walking.
  5. I didn’t drink enough water.

And so I’m up over a pound and a half.

Time to get on the bike.

27
Mar
13

Update

I rode my exercycle (20 minutes, level 4) and afterward had to defecate. Reweighed, and I’m at 358.6. That’s still two-tenths of a pound up from my lowest, but it’s not a second day gain, and it makes me feel much better about my progress.

27
Mar
13

And up again

First of all, I’m up two-tenths of a pound again.  Two gains in a row is scary and really annoying.  I’m not sure what I can do about it, though.  I’m still exercising, still drinking water, still sleeping well, still eating right.  And I’m up a full pound since Monday.  It feels like my weight is out of my control, because it doesn’t matter what I do, I keep gaining.  And that terrifies me.  No wonder 12-step programs annoy the shit out of me.

On the other hand…

  • It has been a week since I started my diet, and I’ve lost 6.8 pounds.
  • If I stay on my diet and lose at this rate, I should be under 300 by my birthday.  That would be a nice birthday gift to myself.
  • I have stuck to my diet for a week.  It’s been over 170 hours since I last ate a piece of candy from Linda’s candy dish.
  • I’ve stuck to an exercise program.  I’ve exercised six of the seven days I’ve been dieting.  

I’m going to do another week.  I’m going to TOPS tomorrow, and I’m going to do another week.  

2013-03-27 

Edited. I didn’t add my thermometer. I didn’t do it yesterday either, because I was up. I thought I could put it off. But that’s not honest, and this has to be about honesty.

26
Mar
13

Wrong direction

Well, I don’t know if it was too many Wasabi almonds or driving instead of walking or that small bit of carbs, but I gained.  Less than a pound, but I was up this morning.

I rode the exercycle for 20 minutes, and had it set on level 4 for most of the first 15.  It’s weird how good it feels to dial it back to 3.  

I looked it up, and it’s a 41 minute ride to work.  That’s my goal.  I figure when I can do an hour at home I can make the ride to work.  Of course the first time I try it will be a weekend.  I’m not stupid.  The odd part is that because the land just south of the river is raised, it’s hard to get to the building.  The lake shore route is weird, crossing the river along the bus route and then making some weird turn, and then following the Riverwalk to Wabash.  But when I drove yesterday, there was a sign that said bikes could enter on the lower level.  I wonder if they mean motorcycles, or are bikes included.  If they are, I need to figure out how to get there.  I’m not keen on going down one of those ramps, even if they do take a whole block to change levels.  I’m not sure I could stop at the bottom.  Maybe I should try going for a drive there on Sunday.

25
Mar
13

Hag Sameach!

Very small weight loss today, and I expect the same tomorrow.

Made it through the Passover Seder having had a piece about 1.5 square inches of matzoh, a tablespoon of charoset, and a tsp of horseradish. That was my carbs for the night. Had broth without the matzoh ball, skipped the tsimmes and kishke, and ate turkey and brisket. Left before dessert. All good, but Laura’s aunt Joyce sat next to me and kept offering me carbs, even after we’d discussed my diet: more matzoh, more charoset, grape juice, was I sure I didn’t want some dessert to take with me. Ugh, and very difficult to deal with.