Archive for March, 2014


Here’s a first

I’m sitting in Starbucks waiting for 10:30, when I see this new psychiatrist. I’m scared out of my wits. I’ve practiced saying what I want and need to say. I am kicking myself a bit because I wanted to make a list, but I didn’t. A list would have looked OC, though, wouldn’t it?

I sort of feel like I don’t need it, but that’s kind of the point, isn’t it? I don’t see the depressive phases, so I need to ask for help during the normal or manic phase.

My weight was up a bit, which pisses me off. I skipped breakfast yesterday because I thought mom was taking us to the brunch buffet, but we had lunch at the Grill instead. I also rode 20 minutes on the bike. But I didn’t drink enough water. I must fix that today.

Gotta go!

Awake, alive, alert, aware!



And finally ketosis

Thursday was a bitch. Tired and achy and hungry all the time. I went home and lay down for a nap. And woke up three hours later.

Friday I finally entered ketosis. I was upbeat and energetic and full of energy. I’m also down almost 15 pounds. Yes, it’s water weight, but my ankles aren’t swollen at the end of the day as they were before.

I rode 15 minutes on the bike. It’s so boring. I need to put something there that I can watch. I also drank 3 L of lemonade at work. And didn’t touch the Mrs. Fields cookies someone brought in, or the peanut butter cups that showed up in the candy bowl.

And then I came home and ate like a pig. I was really hungry, and ate two chicken breast pieces. And also made Brussels sprouts, and ate the whole pan. Note to self: never make more than two portions of a veggie that doesn’t reheat well.

I’m not down any today, which doesn’t really bug me, because I’m down 14.4 pounds in four days.

One thing that’s a little gross. I know I was a bit dehydrated. I don’t think I made lemonade all last week I know the behavior of my colon is tied to water consumption. But Thursday I bought some sugar free York patties and had a horrible reaction. And yet Friday I passed four fully formed stool. I took a fiber tablet the first day, but have just been doing salads every day and veggie-heavy meals. I must have had horrible constipation and not eve realized it.

Gotta get cleaning.


And what’s a diet without a motivational quote or two?




Today is awful.  I’m exhausted.  I hurt.  I feel like I can’t breathe.  

Last night I was famished.  I cooked my turkey legs, then ate a salad of spinach and ceviche while I was waiting for it to cook.  And nuts.  Coconut almonds that I picked up at the CVS on the way home.  Where I also picked up a package of beef jerky and ate the whole thing.  I didn’t go off my diet, but I ate like a pig.

Today I had eaten my lunch (another turkey leg) and both of my snack bags of almonds and my cheese before 10 am.  

I should feel good about this.  Both last night’s hunger and today’s exhaustion are signs that my body is almost through my liver’s store of glycogen. My body is gasping for easier ways to get glucose, but can’t find it, and is fighting ketosis.  But this doesn’t make how I feel any easier.

I am at 363 this morning, or down 11.2 pounds.  I know it’s water, but that does feel good.



So here’s the plan

Low-carb as usual. It works if I work it. Of course I don’t work it, but hey….

Exercise. 10 minutes on the exercycle twice a day. I’m allowed to skip one if I make it up on the next one. I skipped last night and made it up this morning. And I need to find my damned free weights. Eventual goal of riding my bike to work, but not until I’ve lost a significant amount of weight. I did that two or three times last year and it sucks.

Daily weigh-ins and tracking. I have one of those things that measures body size, so I’m going to do that, too, once a month.

1.5L of water or more per day.

More vegetables than before. I’ve learned to make mason jar salads. I’m not just eating hamburgers twice a day.

I’m seeing a psychiatrist Monday. Mostly I want to talk about my insomnia, but you know, I started my diet on 20 March last year and 25 March this year. This is unlikely to be a coincidence. I’m thinking SAD.

We’ll see.



So, here we are again

Today is Wednesday, about ten months after my last post, and the second day of a new diet.  

I don’t know why I do this to myself.  I’m pretty much exactly where I started a year ago.  Well, except that I’m heavier.  

I have to do this.  I can’t give up this time.  At 290 I fit in a single airline seat.  I want to go to Germany.  I want to visit Khasha.  To do that, I need to lose 70 pounds.  I have to, I have to, I have to.  

It’s depressing to see past optimism dry up.  It’s distressing to look at my weight loss chat in the spreadsheet.  “I did this, and I was successful, and then I stopped.  I’ll stop this time, too.  I’ll never be thin.”

I’m seeing a psychiatrist on Monday.  Prozac helped before, until I stopped taking it, like I stopped dieting, like I stop doing everything to help myself.