So, here we are again

Today is Wednesday, about ten months after my last post, and the second day of a new diet.  

I don’t know why I do this to myself.  I’m pretty much exactly where I started a year ago.  Well, except that I’m heavier.  

I have to do this.  I can’t give up this time.  At 290 I fit in a single airline seat.  I want to go to Germany.  I want to visit Khasha.  To do that, I need to lose 70 pounds.  I have to, I have to, I have to.  

It’s depressing to see past optimism dry up.  It’s distressing to look at my weight loss chat in the spreadsheet.  “I did this, and I was successful, and then I stopped.  I’ll stop this time, too.  I’ll never be thin.”

I’m seeing a psychiatrist on Monday.  Prozac helped before, until I stopped taking it, like I stopped dieting, like I stop doing everything to help myself.